powered by:
uhn foundation
the impact of caregiving on women: 'why do we not show up for ourselves?'
5 minute read
according to a gallup survey in 2024, a little more than six out of 10 women find it hard to make their own health a priority. work, caregiving responsibilities, and lack of time are among the most cited reasons by the 4,000 respondents.
adobe stock
stay up to date on this topic
when the alarm goes off, dr. christine palmay gets up at 5 a.m. to work out in her home basement gym with a trainer, three times a week, doing some heavy weightlifting.
“do i wake up every morning and say i want to work out at 5? absolutely not. do i do it? absolutely, because doing hard things is hard. what’s harder is dealing with the consequence of being too tired and not being able to show up for people,” she says.
she also makes it to yoga class three times a week and adds in some cardio training.
for this toronto family medicine physician, self-care is a priority. but it’s never easy, she admits.
“that is my mental health investment. i stick to it because i know that in the grand scheme of things, it keeps me able to be there for other people.”
it’s not just about physical activity, but good sleep, nutrition and making time for friends, with the caveat that saying no to engagements is also important. she struggles with setting boundaries just like everyone else and has seen firsthand in her patients what happens to women when they try to do it all without making space for some me-time.
make self-care part of the equation
experts agree that women are often the primary caregivers, carrying the emotional and logistical load for families and households. but without self-care as part of the equation, there are health impacts. this is especially true for women who are experiencing perimenopause and menopause when their body is going through hormonal changes that can disrupt sleep, mood and energy.
advertisement
“there are phases where you’re a parent, you’re taking on different roles and obligations. like feminism just gave us the ability to do everything, which translated to us needing to do everything,” says dr. palmay.
“perimenopause, early menopause, brings puberty part 2 into the picture, where a woman’s health means you have to relearn your body. and what horrible timing, right? you’re trying to attend to new health needs, a body that is changing that doesn’t respond to the scheduling that you have with your kids, with your parents, et cetera. there’s 24 hours in a day.”
health researchers have found that the physical, mental and economic burdens of caregiving are disproportionately experienced by women. these burdens came to the forefront during the global pandemic, revealing the long-standing assumptions that women should do the bulk of domestic work and family care inside the home and beyond as caregivers for other family members.
as authors of a viewpoint piece in the jama health forum write about the scientific literature on the topic, “while caregiving can be personally rewarding, for many it can create cumulative physical and psychological strain that is health-damaging. compared with non-caregivers, family caregivers, especially women, experience increased emotional distress, depression, anxiety and social isolation; impaired physical health; decreased preventive and self-care behaviours; greater acute care use; and even increased mortality.”
advertisement
there’s a lot there to worry about, so taking time to focus on what you can do for your own health is critical. but how do you actually do it when many women say they are just too overwhelmed to even think about it?
mental health concerns come with long-term effects
according to a gallup survey in 2024, a little more than six out of 10 women find it hard to make their own health a priority. work, caregiving responsibilities, and lack of time are among the most cited reasons by the 4,000 respondents. the most common reason women don’t prioritize their health is that “it feels too overwhelming.”
the survey found this was especially true among younger women with, 80 per cent of gen z women saying their mental or emotional health gets in the way of taking care of themselves. as the hill reports, gallup senior research consultant sarah fioni notes in an analysis of the findings: “women facing barriers to prioritizing their health while they are young could suffer from significant long-term effects … taking care of one’s health early can be key to ensuring stable health and wellbeing later in life.”
as well, the survey found that women with children struggle more to prioritize their own health than women without children, and women with children younger than 18 and living at home are twice as likely as women without children living at home to report caregiving responsibilities as the top barrier to taking care of their own health.
advertisement
dr. palmay says she helps guide women in her family practice to carve out me-time before they hit a wall and need to shut down. “there aren’t any boundaries. everything gets pushed, and women are left feeling guilty if they’re not fulfilling every mould to the maximum,” she says of the constant pressure to be the perfect image of a successful career person, champion mom and caregiver.
“and this is in context of their body changing, their physiology changing. and there’s just no bandwidth to be able to deal with everything at once. then as a result, a woman puts herself at the end.”
a network of support is out there
her prescription reflects the truthful adage, ‘if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anybody else.’ it’s making sure that your basics are covered: your sleep, your food intake and managing your stress level by finding whatever relaxes you and booking it in.
“would you ever not show up to an appointment with other people? absolutely not. so why do we not show up for ourselves? book the time into your daytimer,” she says. “so, for myself, i know if i don’t move my body every day, i’m in trouble. so i book it. i don’t think about it. it’s sacred time.”
if you don’t make time for self-care, your body will let you know. “i always tell patients when your body tells you it’s time to take time off, it’s not going to be convenient and ultimately causes more anxiety. so you may as well jump ahead of that and say, i need a moment for a break.”
advertisement
while reaching out to a health-care provider for help is important (along with making appointments for bloodwork and screenings), another key driver of wellness is friendship. dr. palmay is a huge proponent of spending time with friends and being real about how you’re feeling. if you need some help, ask for it, knowing you’d be there for them if they need you.
“i’ve really made a change to reach out to friends and say, ‘i need help,’” she says of the network of support that’s out there if you ask. don’t be the person who always says, “i’m great, i’m just great.” be honest and real.
and while health trends come and go, she says it all comes back to being true to yourself and finding what works when you make yourself a priority.
“there’s not one way to live your life. if it works for you in a fulfilling, healthy way, then go at it.”
share story
