'goblin mode' kicks perfection to the curb in favour of self-esteem and well-being
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people are fed up with societal pressures to be perfect. getty
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are all those snapshots and instagram stories of people smiling, having fun with adoring friends, and doing good-for-you things like morning yoga and drinking kale smoothies getting you down?
apparently, a lot of people are feeling overwhelmed with the pressure to present their best selves documented for the world to see. now there’s a popular backlash to “perfect” that’s been circulating on social media — “goblin mode” — where people are showing off how to be intentionally lazy, downright slobby and outside the norm.
in fact, #goblinmode on tiktok is the snub to the “that girl” trend to do all things perfect, especially when it comes to food, exercise, hanging succulent plant displays, and following very involved skin care routines with serums and skin rollers.
“nobody is living the perfect life”
lisa jeffs, a life and career coach in toronto, has seen her share of people who are fed up with societal pressures to be perfect and painting themselves to fit these expectations on social platforms, and she’s not surprised by the popularity of the term “goblin mode” because it reflects the times.
“it’s like, well, how long are we going to keep this facade up? we all know that nobody is living the perfect life,” she says. “that idea is starting to crumble now, which is good, because it’s been very unhealthy for a lot of people trying to live up to perfection, which is impossible.”
it also leads to self-judgment and low self-esteem, she adds, because we’re always comparing ourselves to influencers and the people that we follow on social media. and instead of feeling inspired, we end up in a downward spiral of self-criticism.
“it’s really stems from the feeling of not being good enough,” says jeffs. “when we feel like that, it’s very hard to show up in our lives because we have that inner talk saying, ‘but you’re not as good as that. you don’t look like that. you’re not doing that. you’re not making as much money as that person.’ and it can really flip you into self-sabotage.”
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the pendulum has swung from perfection to rebellion
self-sabotage happens when you do things that deliberately undermine your goals. for example, jeffs says that she once spent about a week bingeing on the show “the office,” and not doing much else because she was afraid of growing her therapy practice and not being successful.
but goblin mode has made the pendulum has swing the other way, from perfection to rebellion, she says.
after all, there is something to be said for being self-indulgent and carefree. jeffs recalls a time that she had fried-chicken takeout at 3 a.m. with her 17-year-old daughter while they talked. though she says that some people might say, “oh fried chicken is so unhealthy and eating at night is bad for digestion,” she doesn’t do it often and has great memories of the heart-to-heart conversations.
it’s possible to silence your inner critic
when the voice in your head starts to create havoc with your productivity and daily life, it’s time to look for ways to change your outlook, jeffs advises.
her practical tips include unfollowing people on social media that don’t make you feel happy, taking technology breaks so you’re not always looking at your social feeds, and squeezing in a moment at the beginning of your day to identify how you’re feeling and what you might need to have a good day — whether that’s going off-line or taking a walk.
voted the oxford word of the year
goblin mode is the newly-voted oxford term of the year for 2022, beating out the other two top choices, “metaverse” which came second, followed by “#istandwith,” the guardian reports. oxford defines the term as “a type of behaviour which is unapologetically self-indulgent, lazy, slovenly, or greedy, typically in a way that rejects social norms or expectations.”
“given the year we’ve just experienced, goblin mode resonates with all of us who are feeling a little overwhelmed at this point,” casper grathwohl, president of oxford languages, told the guardian. “it’s a relief to acknowledge that we’re not always the idealized, curated selves that we’re encouraged to present on our instagram and tiktok feeds. this has been demonstrated by the dramatic rise of platforms like bereal where users share images of their unedited selves, often capturing self-indulgent moments in goblin mode.”
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it’s that focus on indulging in ourselves that can help not only protect self-esteem, but also boost emotional well-being.
“i always share with my clients, if you could just tune in the morning with yourself, take a quiet moment,” says jeffs. “have your coffee, have a notebook and a pen, and just ask yourself the question, ‘what do i need today?’ which is about building that positive relationship with yourself.”
karen hawthorne is a toronto-based writer.
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