“to be honest, i’m not sure what my ‘type’ is clinically referred to as, but my ocd manifests itself in organization, or rather sometimes disorganization,” bergeson says. “it’s more about keeping things the same for fear of inconsistency or something ‘bad’ happening if a tangible object is moved or changed. after years of therapy, ocd doesn’t (or shouldn’t) be part of my day-to-day life, but after this year, it has become something i need to actively work on again.”
mental health services have thankfully progressed from the early days of bergeson’s diagnosis — where her doctor presented her with a book called what’s wrong with my brain — but there are no easy fixes for disorders of the mind and, over time, bergeson learned how to best deal with her ocd. “i used to take medication,” she says. “it definitely helped, but medication doesn’t really do anything if you’re not willing to put in the work with a therapist and practice (cognitive behaviour therapy) or exposure therapy.
“my ways of coping are to listen to music when having the urge to engage in ocd behavior, read, and practice mindfulness like yoga and meditation.”
while covid-19 hasn’t made her condition worse per se, it has reminded bergeson that it is still with her — and not always very far from the surface. “the pandemic taught me that when in a stressful situation, i haven’t fully overcome ocd; it is just something dormant inside me that needs to be managed,” she says. “because of this, i didn’t necessarily anticipate my ocd becoming more constant. i did feel it creeping back into my psyche, though.”