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how i care for melanoma: coping through lifelong love and unwavering faith
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once iona copeman, right, became well-versed in all things cancer and melanoma, she was ready to help her husband in any way that he needed, and in many cases, that meant taking care of everything on her own, as well as taking care of mike at the same time.
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iona copeman has been married to her husband, mike, for close to 50 years. if you asked her exactly how long she has loved him, she couldn’t quite remember because they’ve been together since she was just 16 years old. her phrasing is, “it’s kind of like forever.”
so, when mike was diagnosed with malignant melanoma, it was her “worst nightmare.”
“when that happens, you just kind of go into a numbness,” she said. “it’s so hard to explain. you can’t think, and then when you can think, you have a million questions.”
mike was diagnosed with melanoma skin cancer that started on his right shoulder and spread to other areas of his body. during his illness, he had to undergo five surgeries and contend with various other problems that arose due to the cancer and the treatment that followed.
when the news came, and iona was able to come out of the initial feelings of shock, she immediately dedicated herself to caring for him throughout his journey with cancer.
“i got very protective of him, just watching every move to make sure he’s not going to get hurt any other way,” she said. “you always want to keep them as safe as you can.”
putting herself on the back burner to be a full-time caregiver
while mike’s cancer diagnosis brought iona’s natural caregiving tendencies to the surface, she admits that she has always been a very caring and nurturing individual. putting others first was second nature for her, so stepping into that role when he fell ill wasn’t difficult.
“i guess i’ve just always been that type of person,” she said. “always giving and caring, so i think it’s just natural for me.”
throughout the ordeal, iona simply put her needs aside so that she could give her all to the person who mattered most in the world to her: her husband.
“i just ignored anything that i thought i needed. it’s not important for me. what’s important is to take care of him,” she said. “i just didn’t think about myself in any way.”
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iona recalls the ordeal and the moments when mike could not do anything for himself. she stepped up in all the ways she knew how. even though she had to spend most of her time putting mike first, it was never an issue or felt like a burden.
iona was happy to do it for the man who stole her heart all those years ago because to “know that you’re helping” and “making it easier for them” is more than enough to make the experience worthwhile.
“you just see him go through any kind of extra pain; if you can take that away, you kind of do anything to alleviate that,” she said.
another part of putting herself aside was learning as much as possible about melanoma, what it entails, and what she could do to make the entire process easier for mike.
she spent copious amounts of time educating herself with all the resources at her disposal so that she would be prepared for anything that came her way during his treatment.
“when he was first diagnosed, at our very first appointment at the cross cancer center (in edmonton, alberta), i just walked around and looked at all the information they had posted on all the boards and anything i could find. i was reading because, i mean, cancer just wasn’t in our world.”
preparing for unchartered territory
iona and mike had been blessed to avoid the big c throughout their lives. at the time, iona had a hard time wrapping her head around his diagnosis because, as far as she knew, there was no history of cancer in either of their families, aside from mike’s mother, who had passed from lung cancer without iona getting the chance to know her.
“it was lung cancer, and she smoked. so, we just assumed that it was all because of (that).”
without a family history to blame the diagnosis on, iona continued to fill her mind with everything she could, and in doing so, she found ways to care for her husband that would help him heal from the cancer, especially on the mental side of things.
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“we found this support, psychological services, that they offered. so, we jumped right into that,” she said. “and that was very important because it helped us understand more about how to take care of ourselves better, too.”
once iona became well-versed in all things cancer and melanoma, she was ready to help her husband in any way that he needed, and in many cases, that meant taking care of everything on her own, as well as taking care of mike at the same time.
iona mentions that she had to do much of the cooking, but that wasn’t different from the rest of their lives because mike didn’t cook. however, how she went about things changed because healthy eating became much more crucial during mike’s treatment.
“i have done as much research, and i’m still researching everything i can on food and hot to change and dieting, where to get the proper food and good food and then get him to eat it,” she said.
iona was also in charge of taking him to appointments, doing all the driving, and essentially doing anything else that needed to be done. iona’s whole life was “scheduled around his life,” and she made a point to ensure that no matter what, she would do everything she could to help mike become as healthy as he possibly could be—and it worked. mike is now cancer-free.
relying on a strong care team during cancer treatment and afterwards
iona found the medical team that looked after mike to be phenomenal. he was “taken care of very, very well,” she said. that, in and of itself, made the process just a bit easier for her because she felt that the support from the system was way above par.
“the system has helped significantly during all of this,” she said.
when the mole that turned out to be melanoma was found on mike’s right shoulder, his physician promptly removed it with margins to try to dig out the malignancy and avoid its spread. unfortunately, by that time, it was too late.
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however, when the diagnosis came back, the medical professionals in mike’s corner at the cross cancer institute fast-tracked his treatment, which ultimately led to his now disease-free state.
the appointments were made, and they were not changed unless they absolutely couldn’t be there. even when mike’s treatment led to the development of kidney problems, the care team was on the ball with that, too.
even so, the emotional impact of the aftereffects of mike’s treatment, which led to him losing more than half the functions of his kidneys and other problems to boot, became a series of unfortunate events for the copeman.
“it’s just one thing after another,” iona said, recalling how the entire ordeal tested them both.
keeping the faith in trying times and leaning on each other
iona talks about all the physical things she’s had to do to help mike with his treatment, such as bandaging up wounds with a fear of blood and not once losing strength in the face of it all.
“i’ve never fainted,” she said, recalling that she doesn’t know how she got through it all, primarily due to the resilience of her husband. “we always pull through,” she said. “just hang in there together, and he keeps on fighting.”
she continued, “he’s just got such a good sense of humour, and he’s just able to keep it and carry on. that’s what keeps me going.”
aside from her husband, iona’s unwavering faith in god allowed her to do things she never thought she could handle simply because she had her faith to rely on.
“it’s just god holding me up because i don’t know how else i could do these things that i’ve done,” she said.
with god on her side and her husband now free and clear of any signs of melanoma in his body, iona wants others to understand that, even in the face of adversity, there is help, whether that be through your own strength, knowledgeable care teams and available resources, or faith in the lord.
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“just never give up, keep searching, pray, pray, pray. but the more you ask, the more help you get.”
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