inspiring canadians to live better.

healthing leaf

inspiring canadians to live better.

healthing leaf
get healthing in your inbox with the morning checkup and weekender newsletter!
home / autism / a mom's guidebook for raising kids living with autism spectrum disorder (q and a)

a mom's guidebook for raising kids living with autism spectrum disorder (q and a)

"you don't know what the journey is going to be like. and so inside of me, i was crying. … i don't even understand what autism means."

by karen hawthorne
published apr 02, 2025
read time 7 minute read
join the conversation
read time 7 minute read
join the conversation
natacha raphael with her sons adam, centre, and andrew. supplied
natacha raphael is a single mom of twin boys in ottawa, ont., one of whom is living with autism. she’s managing parenting, work and family life with a fierce determination to give her boys opportunities to explore their passions and thrive.
her journey so far with 12-year-old twins adam and andrew, who was diagnosed with autism at age two, has prompted her to write a book about the common challenges and barriers she’s endured to navigate the autism support landscape.
when life becomes autism: a parent’s guide to supporting a neurodivergent child offers practical tips and wisdom to help people get through the hard stuff and fill their lives with joy and understanding. as well as a new author, natacha is an international public affairs expert with a biotech company and a wellness entrepreneur at unbreaqable, where she teaches strategies like yoga, meditation and sleep management for building resilience.
healthing.ca talked to natacha about her book, autism and parenting to mark world autism awareness day on april 2, 2025.

having twins means a lot more than doubling up on baby supplies! what did you notice about andrew that made you concerned about his early health?

natacha: adam was developing, as you would expect from the milestones perspective, doing the choo choo trains and singing along to nursery songs and watching tv and just replicating what he would see on tv whereas andrew was just spinning and turning and flopping his hands. and i’m like, ‘oh my god, he thinks he’s a little bird.’ i actually thought he had auditory issues because i would call his name and we would try to sing along with songs and he wouldn’t. he also wouldn’t reply to his name. that’s why i went to seek help. she was an auditory specialist, but she was also a speech pathologist.

related stories

how i care for autism: ‘my life became autism’
for natacha raphael, an international public affairs expert with a biotech company, her son’s autism diagnosis was a life-changer in ways she hadn’t expected.
natacha raphael, centre, with her two sons andrew and adam, 10. andrew, left, was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder when the boys were two years old.

hawthorne: learning to let go—sending my child with special needs to summer camp
for the parents and caregivers who are familiar with the dread of handing over the care reins to someone else, i get you.
how do we let our kids go and experience things without our love right there and accessible?
story continues below

getting a hearing test is an important first step to rule out hearing problems as the cause of speech and language delay. how did this help you?

natacha: as she was giving me the test results and writing the report that i could give back to my family doctor, she talked about development. i read the report and by the time i saw my family doctor again, i had already done a lot of pre-work looking at autism canada, autism speaks and all of that to do a bit of research to understand what that meant.

how did you feel when andrew was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (asd)?

natacha: on the one hand i kind of knew, but on the other hand, you don’t know what that means, and you don’t know what the journey is going to be like. and so inside of me, i was crying. and that feeling of uncertainty like, what do i do now? i don’t even understand what autism means.

going through that initial part of adjusting your life to the world of autism was challenging, followed by hurdles in daycare, school, government funding and therapies. why was writing the book important to you?

natacha: it was important to me because as i went to a variety of meetings, programs and sessions for parents or caregivers throughout the years. even from the very first meeting, i realized a lot of parents were lost just like i was lost. because i had done a lot of research, i ended up sitting with those parents afterward and having conversations with them: did you try this? did you read that? did you go see this doctor? for example, andrew took a really long time to be potty trained. i had gone to a session on that to help parents. he was five-years-old at that point. and a father just broke my heart saying how the school was going to expel his daughter because she was still not potty trained and was going into grade 1. i stayed back to speak with that father to find ways to manage it, like speaking to the principal. i’ve had so many of these interactions throughout the years that i wanted to share what my journey was so that i could help somebody else.
story continues below
it’s like you raise your children and you think my son’s going to be a hockey player. my daughter is going to be in soccer and in ballet. you have these projections in your mind when your baby is a baby. and my life became literally, ‘when life becomes autism.’ my life became let’s go to this therapist and let’s try this program and let’s try this other program. it became all about learning autism and going to see the different specialists and trying to figure out how i was going to support my son to be a functional person in the society we live in.

you have a chapter about connecting with communities for support which is important for parents who often feel isolated. how did this kind of outreach help you?

natacha: i would put a random post on facebook or linkedin about world autism awareness day and there were always people reaching out to me. a lot of my colleagues have children with autism. creating that bond with people that i worked with and taking it to a completely different level that had nothing to do with work, it had to do with family and caring for each other. it’s not about sitting down to cry about it, although if you need to cry, go ahead and do it. it’s more about ok, did you try taking out gluten? did you bring him to speech therapy? it’s just exchanging notes and being there for each other.
when life becomes autism: a parent’s guide to supporting a neurodivergent child offers practical tips and wisdom to help people get through the hard stuff and fill their lives with joy and understanding.
when life becomes autism: a parent’s guide to supporting a neurodivergent child offers practical tips and wisdom to help people get through the hard stuff and fill their lives with joy and understanding. supplied
story continues below

is there a situation where you turned to someone in your autism network for support?

natacha: i was at supermarket with andrew, so keeping in mind i have twins, it’s not like i could just tell adam ‘sit here and have a coffee while i go take care of your brother.’ andrew saw something and just ran and had a tantrum because he saw something and it triggered something. we had to leave the cart. i have no idea how i got to the other side of the store. people were staring at me as if i had an uncontrollable child. but something triggered him and i needed to play detective to understand what triggered him.

why did you include a chapter about self-care in your book?

natacha: i think that we’re not machines. and i think that we love our children so much and we want to do everything to shelter our kids and to take care of them, and we don’t know how it’s going to turn out. are they going to go to prom? are they going to have a job. what kind of life are they going to have? you’re pouring your heart and soul into it and you also have to clean and go to work. so, when do you breathe? you need to take a moment to breathe, or else you won’t be able to continue to support your child. sometimes i’ll just go into the bathroom to get a break! i meditate and i do yoga first thing in the morning. if i don’t, for whatever reason, i do it before i go to sleep.
story continues below

is there a takeaway message you’d like people to hear?

natacha: if there’s one message that i have to give it is to advocate. we feel that we’re just going to trust the system. as much as i think there’s amazing, incredible teachers, now that they’re going into the 7th grade, i visited three schools. i interviewed them and i went to see the resource teacher and i went to see the principal and i wanted to know what kind of programs they are going to have. and now we have a plan in place. you need to advocate. you need to plan your next move.

what did you learn from writing this book?

natacha: i realized that my son has progressed tremendously and the vision that i had when i got the diagnosis was dustin hoffman in the movie rain man. and i realized that, yes, andrew is a great mathematician, calculates really well and remembers numbers and dates. but he can have a conversation with people, he can sit in class. i was emotional mostly for andrew. i want parents to know that nothing is wrong with your child in the sense that the synapses are done differently in the brain and and that’s completely fine. your child is probably extremely authentic and will tell you things as it is.
and we all see life in a beautiful way. you might look at a flower and just see a flower, whereas your child will look at the beauty of the flower and draw it in a very different light. and you don’t need to change that. my book is about making sure your child has the resources to go through the society we live in, but it’s not about fixing your child. it’s about celebrating who they are.
karen hawthorne
karen hawthorne

karen hawthorne worked for six years as a digital editor for the national post, contributing articles on health, business, culture and travel for affiliated newspapers across canada. she now writes from her home office in toronto and takes breaks to bounce with her son on the backyard trampoline and walk bingo, her bull terrier.

read more about the author

comments

postmedia is committed to maintaining a lively but civil forum for discussion and encourage all readers to share their views on our articles. comments may take up to an hour for moderation before appearing on the site. we ask you to keep your comments relevant and respectful. we have enabled email notifications—you will now receive an email if you receive a reply to your comment, there is an update to a comment thread you follow or if a user you follow comments. visit our community guidelines for more information and details on how to adjust your email settings.

 
child holding his ears blocking out noise.
opinion: ontario’s autism funding crisis is hurting families
portrait of young women, kara dymond smiling into the camera.
what it feels like: autism diagnosis is a deep dive into acceptance and self-understanding
kate zarbatany, autism
neurodiversity: perspective from a person with lived experience
kind mother helping her son doing homework in kitchen. mother helping son with homework at table. children's creativity. portrait of smiling mother helping son with homework in kitchen at home
autism in canada: stats, impact and resources
mother with autistic child holding a drawing during consultation with psychotherapist
diagnosed with autism: managing therapies, routines and resources
nico boffa - young man on a hike, landscape in the background a
what it feels like: learning how to be yourself with autism
thumbnail_img_0992
how i care for autism: ‘my life became autism’