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home / obesity / what it feels like: living with obesity is not something you choose, but people still blame you for it

what it feels like: living with obesity is not something you choose, but people still blame you for it

al martin has been the target of assumptions about his lifestyle and living with obesity that are nowhere near true to his experience.

by karen hawthorne
published jan 17, 2025
last updated feb 20, 2025
read time 6 minute read
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read time 6 minute read
join the conversation
the martin family: greyson, michelle, al and kayleigh (left to right). supplied
al martin has always been a big guy. and one of the things he learned early on was to pre-empt a mean comment about his size with a quick joke. because if you’re the first to be funny, that’s one way to deflect criticism and keep your chin up.
“living with obesity as a kid was tricky. i can’t say that it was a life free from bullying and teasing and stuff like that, but i learned what a lot of people do. i learned to be funny and to be self-deprecating,” says al, now 48 and a father of two in crewson’s corners near guelph, ontario.
“if i was telling the funniest joke about how big i was, nobody else had anything to say about it.”
his dad, who did some long-haul trucking and ran a construction company, lived with obesity for his entire life like his other family members. with the science on obesity showing the significant role genetics play in the disease, al says he inherited the genes and body structure from his dad. “this is not something i’ve chosen,” he says, adding a lot of people can’t understand or accept this and want to blame the individual for their size and health problems.

misperception: people with obesity are lazy and don’t care about their health

‘obesity is not a choice’ is a message that he’s determined to share publicly in the advocacy work he does today with obesity matters, obesity canada and diabetes action canada. al also lives with type 2 diabetes and sleep apnea, both related to his chronic obesity. he’s met very few people who have similar health issues who don’t care about themselves or haven’t tried to improve their own health. and many have spent thousands of dollars trying to change their size and live better.
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obesity canada
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close to one in three canadians aged 18 and older live with obesity and about one-third of canadian children live with obesity or overweight. as science continues to reveal, obesity is a chronic disease that needs long-term management with a multi-faceted approach to lifestyle and interventions. there’s no easy answer.
al became noticeably bigger than his peers by grades 5 and 6. going into high school, he decided he could use his larger size as an advantage in contact sports like football and rugby. it was a boost to his self-confidence during the difficult adolescent years and ups and downs of trying to fit in socially with his larger body.
“being a big guy came in handy. i realized that my size, as much as it was not necessarily desirable, i wasn’t being made fun of for being big in sports. i was being encouraged to use my size to push people around. i loved the camaraderie of being on the team and a couple of my friends were on it.” he was never a fast runner, but he was an active, muscular guy—and still is.
“there’s a strong perception about people who are larger that they don’t do anything right or when they were a kid, they must have sat around all the time,” he explains of the stigma of living with obesity. he’s been the target of assumptions about his lifestyle that are nowhere near true to his experience.
al martin and his wife michelle.
al martin and his wife michelle. supplied
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obesity matters
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stress takes a serious toll when you’re living in a larger body

al learned the ropes of construction in his dad’s company, introduced to tools and machinery as a teenager. he eventually took over the business, expanding it to commercial builds like restaurants and hotels, offices and residential properties. the career was a busy 20-plus years with a bluetooth device planted in his ear.
then four years ago, after his doctor said the stress of running his business was taking a toll on his health, al decided to make a change. he’d always loved trucks and machinery and decided to get licensed as a long-haul trucker (his dad’s influence stuck with him). it turned out to be a significant reset for his health, giving him time to think about what he’d gone through living with obesity and how he could help others.
“i’ve been extremely fortunate to get connected with people in patient advocacy. it’s been a gift to me. when i ran my own business, i never even had time to stop.” he’s also realized the hurt that comes with his size and how people assume that it’s okay to make jokes and comments.
“people think they’re being funny and jovial, but these are not things that should be brought up,” he says. “i remember arriving at a job site one time and i had to take my hard hat off. one of the guys working there who i met once or twice before but was not like a good friend of mine said, ‘oh, you’re not just fat, you’re also bald.’ and i said, ‘it’s easier to wash the grease out of my hair.’ i mean, what else do you say?”
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al now makes an effort to turn these negatives into something informative.
“instead of just ignoring the put-downs or making a snide comment back, i usually respond with something more along the lines of ‘obesity is a metabolic disease. it’s very complex. i’m already seeking help for it with my healthcare practitioners.’”

cycle of weight loss disrupts metabolic health

he’s had success and disappointment with calorie restriction or other dietary change to shift weight, resulting in a “yo-yo” cycle that has increased his metabolic problems. with weight changes, your body learns to be even more conserving of fat tissue, he explains, noting that fat cells are vital for health. they provide insulation, protection and energy. “but when your body is starting to conserve fat instead of bone and muscle and other tissue that’s needed, that means your body isn’t using the fat as it’s supposed to, and things have fallen apart.”
in other words, another diet and exercise program is not going to solve obesity.
al also talks about discrimination by medical professionals he’s encountered over the years. he went in for surgery unrelated to his weight, for example, and the anesthesiologist had to go through a number of complicating factors that his body size presented for the anesthetic. the surgeon then addressed his wife saying that she needed to shrink him.
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“i felt put down and ignored because he didn’t say it to me. he said it to my wife as though my wife is in charge of that or has control over it.”
in contrast, six months later al went to see his cardiologist who noted that he’d gone down in weight and wanted to know how he’d been doing. after al explained about his eating and exercise changes, the cardiologist told him that people living with obesity can lose weight but tend to plateau. he suggested bariatric surgery to remove part of his stomach and reduce food intake. when al expressed interest, the cardiologist referred him to a clinic for a consultation.
“what hit me was the juxtaposition of that doctor versus the other one who told my wife that she should go home and fix it. the cardiologist sat and talked with me about a potential solution or tool.”

there’s no shame or blame in obesity, so speak up and get the best care

his advice to others is to find their voice and talk about how they feel. advocate for themselves and ask questions. if they are open with their doctors, nurses, dietitians and specialists, it will improve their care. “your health is at stake and healthcare professionals want to do the best they can for you.”
he’s had his share of health challenges but is feeling hopeful. after a severe lung infection hospitalized him for over two weeks this summer, he’s almost fully recovered. he’s had success with medications, including a glp-1 inhibitor, for his type 2 diabetes and now he’s being considered for bariatric surgery for late in 2025.
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most important, beyond time spent with his family, is his commitment to helping others living with obesity and co-morbidities like diabetes, feel less alone and inspired to get the best care they can.
“i probably share things that are too intimate and too personal in a lot of ways, but i also feel like, if i don’t then who will?”
karen hawthorne
karen hawthorne

karen hawthorne worked for six years as a digital editor for the national post, contributing articles on health, business, culture and travel for affiliated newspapers across canada. she now writes from her home office in toronto and takes breaks to bounce with her son on the backyard trampoline and walk bingo, her bull terrier.

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