around easter of that year, she fainted again while on the beta-blocker. she ended up having to take time off school or leave early because she would get so lightheaded, and friends around her noticed her skin turning dangerously pale. she was tired all the time, felt sluggish and felt like her chest was “overworked.” a few days after her birthday in may, she got the diagnosis.
“it’s because i had a tumour in there,” she said. “i knew that something was up. i had an uneasy feeling and made some comments to my mom previous to being diagnosis, where i was like, ‘look, i feel like something’s in there. i feel like something’s off.’ i kind of knew that there was something.”
coping with an array of emotions
after being diagnosed with her heart tumour, maria cycled through various emotions. at first, she wasn’t shocked, because her intuition told her something was up, and she knew her body well enough to sense that some news—whatever it may be—was about to come.
“it was sort of like a validation of sorts because you had that feeling,” she said.
however, hearing the word ‘tumour’ in a diagnosis can evoke a range of emotions, some of which can be unexpected.
“i was kind of like laughing at the time. it sounds really bad, but i don’t react to things well, and then i went with my family, and i panicked a little because i saw (it) … big mass in your heart,” she said. “so, you’re going to panic a little, but then i went to the hospital and i calmed down a bit.”
during that time, maria also had to contend with missing out on certain things because of her tumour, things that she watched through the eyes of her friends.
“i knew i was being admitted for that purpose, so it just kind of felt relaxing,” she said. “because at least they’re not just like, ‘oh, we’ll keep it in you.’ they wanted to take it out, so i think that was more assuring, if that makes sense. plus, i had really good doctors like dr. cusimano.”