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what it feels like: with glaucoma 'it took me losing my sight to find my vision'
7 minute read
one of laura feltz's challenges as she lost her vision was acknowledging the loss of independence and mourning things like not being able to see her family's faces. supplied
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get your eyes tested regularly. that’s the message from laura feltz, who was diagnosed with glaucoma in 2010.
glaucoma, a group of conditions that damage the optic nerve, is the leading cause of blindness in adults over the age of 60, according to mayo clinic. in most cases, this damage is cause by an increase of pressure in the eyes. while there is no cure for glaucoma, treatment includes medication (typically in the form of eye drops) and surgery.
symptoms of glaucoma come on gradually. so gradually in fact, that its effects on vision are often not noticeable until later stages of the disease. early detection can slow or even halt the loss of eyesight.
laura sat down with healthing to talk about vision loss while in a high-profile corporate job, navigating the practical and emotional elements of glaucoma, and how losing her sight has helped her find her vision.
what led to your glaucoma diagnosis?
i was diagnosed in 2010.
i was recovering from a cornea infection. i was a longtime contact lens wearer, [and was] also highly myopic. i had much better sight with contact lenses because they fit against your eye, but when i was recovering from the infection, i couldn’t wear them. but with glasses, i would lose some of the crispness in my vision field regardless of the strength of the glasses. the specialist noticed that and immediately referred me to a glaucoma specialist, which i’m very grateful for.
i knew of glaucoma because my mom had glaucoma, so i wasn’t necessarily alarmed. i was just like, ok, what do i need to do? [when i went to see] the glaucoma specialist, i was a little bit surprised at how little they knew about what the impact of the condition was. beyond being consistent with doing the eye drops, [the treatment was] reducing stress, eating well, getting sleep and exercise, but no exercise that would put pressure on your eyes — no inverted poses, no skydiving, no wind instruments, for example.
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for the first couple of years, my glaucoma was stable and then i really started noticing a decline in my vision. i was wearing glasses at that point after the cornea infection, and it was like there were fingerprints on my glasses — i was constantly taking my glasses off and checking [to see if there was] a smudge. i can’t count how many times a day i was taking my glasses off to check. that’s why glaucoma is called the thief of sight — i didn’t feel any symptoms of eye pressure and it [progresses] so slow. you don’t notice and when you do notice, it’s too late.
i was being regularly monitored by the glaucoma specialist and getting the visual field tests, which is where you look into this box, to a dot in the centre. you keep your focus on that dot and around you there will be little pin lights that light up in different intensities and you click every time that you see one. every time i went, i was clicking less. that was stressful … i don’t know how to explain the emotion for that.
at the time, i was working in a busy corporate environment. i had a global job, i travelled annually to asia. i had video conferences. a couple of years after i was diagnosed, i started taking my laptop to meetings, which wasn’t common back then.
how was your glaucoma treated?
for me it was really keeping in touch with the glaucoma specialist. as he was noticing a decline, it was about adjusting the eye drops that i had. i had laser to see if that would help to stabilize my eye pressure and lower it in both eyes. then i had eye surgery to insert micro-stents to help the drainage in my eyes. it’s amazing the amount of specialty and sophistication there are in the specialists in the gta.
did you have to adjust how you approached your job?
my focus at that point was, ok, what do i need to know? what do i need to do? i had so many things on the go with my role that this was just another thing that i needed to navigate. i did need to speak to some of the senior leaders to let them know that i was having challenges with my sight, and that i couldn’t see what was being projected during presentations. i would have to get the presentations in advance, so there was more leg work for me. there was a point that it was difficult to see my notes, so i switched from a blue pen to a black pen because it was higher contrast.
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i was navigating a lot of this on my own.
one night i was walking my dog, who is a social dog, not a service dog. there was construction for a new streetcar track, and i walked right into the equipment. i was fine physically, my ego was absolutely bruised, and i realized that i needed support. the strange thing is, because the specialists are so busy seeing patients, there’s this gap between medical support and getting support through the cnib (formerly known as the canadian national institute for the blind), or any of the organizations that can assist you. i was able to, through my network, reach out to someone and get a low vision assessment and finally, a white cane. a cane instructor came to my house, and within 20 minutes we were outside navigating. i hadn’t realized the anxiety that i was feeling with each step because i didn’t know if my foot would hit the ground or if i would be in a divot or something. that was a game changer for me because i didn’t realize how tense i was when i was walking outside. when you’re suddenly relaxed after holding all that tension, it’s like a heavy blanket has been lifted from your shoulders. it was so freeing.
someone from the cnib also came into my workplace and did my technology set up, to make sure i was maximizing all the accessibility features that i needed, which was really helpful because you don’t know what to ask for.
there is such a diverse range of what “low vision” or “partial sight” can mean. i see like an out-of-focus picture, with more limited peripheral vision, whereas i have a friend whose central vision is impacted, but she has more clear peripheral vision.
emotionally, how did you cope with all these changes?
initially, i was just stepping over all the emotions that i had related to sight loss. work was really busy, so i was focusing on that and ignoring any of the grief and the stages of grief associated with sight loss and the loss of independence, as well.
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i chose, powerfully, to stop driving when my license was up for renewal. actually, handing that license over, although i hadn’t driven in a couple of years … i just started crying at the service counter. the poor clerk asked if i was ok. i wasn’t expecting to have that rush of emotion at that point. i had had left my corporate job too, and i realized i needed to take some time, process the emotions and go through it.
i also needed to reach out and get additional support in going through that process. just acknowledging the loss of independence and mourning the small things in life, like sitting around a table with your family and not being able to see their faces clearly. i’m immune to my mother’s raised eyebrow. i miss different expressions on the faces of my family because i just am not able to see them.
after you left your corporate role, what was your next step?
i became a certified coach and hypnotherapist. i have a passion for working with women. when i was in corporate, i worked with some amazing, smart, accomplished women, and they [would say things like] i’d really like to apply for this job, but i’m not sure if i can do it. i really believe that the world needs more women in visible leadership. for so long, women have been behind the scenes influencing. the world isn’t working now, and it’s time for women to step into their voice and act with courage and confidence and clarity on what they want in their life setting. setting boundaries and getting clear on their purpose.
i often say to people that it took me losing my sight to find my vision. i really believe that women will change the world and i want to be in a position to help support that.
outside of work, what do you do in your daily life that brings you joy?
simple pleasures like walking my dog around the harbour and just being in the moment. i take pictures around the community as well, and when i get home i look at them and see different things that i wasn’t able to see when i took the photo — it’s kind of like a kinder surprise. that makes me joyful. just really appreciating life and connection — that gives me joy.
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readers interested in learning more can check out the cnib, fighting blindness canada, and the canadian glaucoma society.
emma jones is a multimedia editor with healthing. you can reach her at emjones@postmedia.com or on instagram and twitter @jonesyjourn.
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